Golden Touch CRAPS

I am not a complainer (ok, I am) or a whiner (ok, I am) but I have been on a bad streak in everything except my casino play and it is becoming supremely annoying since the money I am making in the casinos is going straight into the bank account, not mine, but of companies and people trying to help us out of this bad streak we are having.

To wit:

1. My car's dashboard went dead two months ago -- not just the light but everything; the speedometer, the temperature gage; the odometer; and whatever other "ometers" exist in a 2008 Camry.

2. I thought it was some kind of fuse so I brought it to my local garage mechanic. When I returned, he had taken the dashboard out of the car and told me we were talking about a $1,000 to $2,000 charge.

3. I decided to bring it to Toyota since I had the super-dooper-special-eight-billion-dollar-platinuum warranty.

"Sorry," said the guy at Toyota, "we can't do anything since your mechanic took the dashboard off."

I responded, "So the eight-billion-dollar-platinuum warranty I have is no good?"

"No good," he said. "Take it back to your mechanic." So I took it back to my mechanic and today was the day he would install my new dashboard after six weeks of waiting to get the right computer parts.

4. Today, the beautiful AP and I returned from swimming at 8AM and I was to drop her off at her beloved library and bring the car in to have the new dashboard put in.

5. I was cream-cheesing my bagel when AP called out, "There's no water in the bathroom. Did you turn the washing machine on?"

"Yes, but that never interfered with the water before," I called. "Let me check the water in the kitchen...there's no water here...I just checked the washing machine, no water going in there either."

6. Now AP has to bring the car in and get a cab to take her to the library while I have to wait at home for the water company guy to show up.

7. OK, another guy is also working around here --- from Verizon, my phone company, because two of the three lines coming into my house are down owing to a truck ripping them down a few weeks ago. The telephone wires were ripped down as was half of the siding on one side of my house.

8. My neighbor fixed the siding and he also put up a 10 foot poll on my roof to elevate the telephone wires when they are fixed. One line is up there already (and working) and the other two are being put up now --- unless the Verizon worker falls off the ladder and I have to take him to the hospital.(News Alert: The Verizon worker just told me he can't find the other two lines. He doesn't know what to do and is calling the company but no one at the Verizon Phone Company is answering the damn phone!)

9. The trip down South is a separate article, "The South Has It In for Me!" That was a fun time. My foot has been sore for over a week since I returned from Dixie and I went to the doctor, the thing hurt that much. It was about an 8 on the pain scale going to 10 and now it is down to about a 3. I haven't used the treadmill or boxed because I don't want to aggravate it, so I have been swimming every day until it heals completely.

10. My bathing suit's inner jock is now loose and my testicles are popping out. I just hope the female lifeguard does not see them bobbing around as I swim. I just opened the box with the new bathing suit the beautiful AP got me...it is red, white and black! I look like a damn beach ball in it. But at least my testicles now have a secure home.

There's other stuff, including a weird wedding but I need to get busy on my work day. Sometime soon, I hope, I will be able to complain and whine about other things.