Golden Touch CRAPS

I was at my grandson John Charles' fifth birthday party last Saturday in New Jersey and one of my daughter-in-law's uncles, a guy of about 55, wanted to put on the Wolfman costume to scare John Charles. He had done this once before, on Halloween, and scared the hell out of my three-year-old granddaughter Danielle and scared the purgatory out of John Charles.

The Wolfman costume was scary. If you didn't know it was a costume you would think the real Wolfman was lurking in your house - or in John Charles' room.

"I feel myself changing!" the uncle screamed and then bolted up the stairs to John Charles' room.

"Is this real?" John Charles asked.

"No, it's not real," said the uncle's sister, my daughter-in-law's mother Donna.

"Yes, it's real," said another of my daughter-in-law's uncles.

"It's not real," I said but by now John Charles was in a state of confusion. Would the adults allow a real Wolfman to eat him? "It's not real," I repeated. "I don't think we should do this."

Danielle, upon hearing the howls coming from John Charles' bedroom, ran to the farthest corner of the living room away from the staircase and busied herself in play.

"Danielle," said the second uncle, "do you want to go see if the Wolfman is in John's room?"

Danielle ignored him.

"Leave Danielle out of this," said a furious Donna. "You are terrifying her."

"This is not real Danielle," I said to her. She ignored me too and just kept on playing.

"We have to destroy the Wolfman," said one of my daughter-in-law's cousins. "He must be destroyed. John, you are going to have to shoot him with the gun you got for your birthday."

"I'll shoot him," said a wide-eyed John Charles. I think he would have preferred to play with Danielle in the corner of the room.

"Come on, let's go up the stairs to your bed room," said the second uncle.

"You go first," said John Charles brandishing his gun.

"You follow me," said the uncle as he tiptoed up the stairs.

My wife, the beautiful AP then zipped over to the stairs with John Charles behind her. As she and John Charles walked slowly up the stairs, the beautiful AP said, "Don't worry, I'll kick that Wolfman, he can't hurt you at all."

"Kick him twice," said John Charles.

The beautiful AP then went into John Charles' bedroom with the second uncle. Suddenly there was a big howl. "I kicked him," shouted AP. There was another howl. "I kicked him twice."

The beautiful AP came out of the bedroom. "Kick him four times," said John Charles indicating that she should go back in. AP did so and the Wolfman howled twice for each kick.

AP came out again.

"Kick him five times," said John Charles who was now hiding behind the open door of the upstairs bathroom.

"It's going to be hard for you to use your gun from behind the door," said the second uncle.

"You don't have to go in there," said the beautiful AP. "We're going to kill him."

"I know this isn't real," said John Charles from behind the open bathroom door.

"It's not real," I shouted from the living room. I looked into the corner of the living room. Danielle had not once looked up or stopped playing.

"I am not happy about this," said Donna. "My brother doesn't know when to stop."

There came a huge howl from upstairs.

Suddenly John Charles was in the living room. His face was red. "I went in there with Grand-AP and shot him. I shot him."

The beautiful AP was behind him. "John Charles destroyed the Wolfman!"

Danielle looked up and then walked into the center of the living room and stood next to her brother and just looked up at him.

"It wasn't real," said John Charles, his face now draining of its blush. "But I shot the Wolfman."

The uncle who had been the Wolfman came down the stairs into the living room. He sat next to his sister. "I am not happy about this," said Donna.

"Oh, come on, come on, we were just having fun," said the uncle who had been the Wolfman.

Danielle and John Charles went into the kitchen to have some cookies. John Charles kept his gun with him.